Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Sibling Angst.

My entire life I have longed for a sibling. No matter how many extra hours I work, how creative I am, or how much money I save, it is one of the only things in life that I cannot obtain or work hard to achieve. I have a wonderful sister in law and brother in law, but it just isn't the same as someone with whom I've shared whole life with.

Because of this, I am (my husband too) 100% committed to attempting to have more children and/or adopting. We are starting to think about trying again, probably in the fall. If all goes as well as it did the last time, and we conceive quickly again, our children would be about 4 years apart. A good age, far enough a part to have different friends but close enough to play well together. The same number of years apart as my mother and her brothers.

It is not hard to notice Malone is getting very independent. He travels well, he is ridiculously obedient, he does well eating out. I can read while he plays by himself on the floor or is engaged in an art project. Planning a girls night out doesn't involve the thoughts of pumping.

In short, the days of him needing me 100% of the time are ending.

And I have a chance to find a piece of me again. The piece that I lost when I was so entrenched in the world of baby. For the first time in a long time, I am planning things for me. Independent of him.

I am so committed to giving Malone a sibling. I desire it with heart of hearts.

But I hate the baby stage, oh so much. The constant need it puts on my mind and my body. I'm not a baby person. I'm just not.

I am a toddler/preschool person. I've known since my days as a nanny. Yes, totally all the way in awe of the learning, the singing, the exploration, the speech, and the imagination.

And I can't get this quote out of my mind. I heard it this weekend at a production of The Vagina Monologues that my friend Tara was in.

"My vagina helped release a giant baby. It thought it would be doing more of that. It's not. Now, it wants to travel..." Eve Ensler, The Vagina Monologues




5 comments:

  1. Oh I totally get this! I was an only child and vowed to have several kids, which I did, really close together, unintentionally; right now they're 7, 6, and 4. I'm the opposite though. I love babies and toddlers make me crazy: the attitudes, the disobedience, the "crafts" and "drawings" on the walls, furniture, floor, computer screens, etc.

    We'd love to have just 1 more but it's not possible for us (without about $12,000 that is). So maybe we'll adopt one day, maybe not. We talk about it sometimes but now that we're moving into the last semester before E. Rose starts kindergarten I'm not 100% sure I want to start it all over.

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  2. BTW I'm replying back to you and from PYHO too. :)

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  3. One of the reasons I had Stella right on the heels of Alice was so that I could get it all done with, the baby stage. I wouldn't say that I'm not a baby person, but I definitely don't miss the sleepless nights and I'm looking forward to getting all the baby crap out of my house. The end is in sight for me-- I'm already thinking of ditching the double stroller, and I'm able to unload quite a few baby toys now, plus pass on the hand-me-downs. So, I say sooner, rather than later. Don't prolong it. The baby stage goes a lot faster the second time around, you'll see.

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  4. You have to decide what is best for you. We had our 3 in rapid succession- but now that we are out of the baby stage, I don't want to go back!

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  5. The Accidental HousewifeFebruary 17, 2012 at 12:09 PM

    I had Bug and Peanut 22 months apart. I had no idea what I was doing, it wasn't a cunning plan or anything, but it meant the baby stage just kind of rolled from one to the other. I had two in nappies, two waking at night, two who I couldn't easily leave. It sounds terrible but it was actually pretty good economy of effort.

    Now I have one very independent kid, and since I can see the light at the end of the tunnel with number two, it's not so bad.

    The sibling rivalry sucks though. I didn't have siblings either, so I'm kind of at a loss with how to manage it.

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