Unworking From Home.

I spent the better part of the day today not at work. Malone woke up with a goopy eye and a nose full of snot. I signed on for a few hours this morning to respond to some emails, check in with my bosses, and to coordinate coverage while Malone and Daddy had breakfast. One of the best parts of working from home full time, is well working from home after all.

Usually, Mike is on the hook for all of the sick kid days since he has 3.5 times more vacation, sick, and personal days than I do. But today, he is also out of commission with a wicked cold.

The sick day rules were in full effect. Malone stayed in his pajamas all day, the apple juice was free flowing, and Cailou was shown on demand. He had the best time.

I, on the other hand, struggled to remain present. I know I'm probably not the first mother (working or SHAM) to ever feel this way, but honestly there are just not enough hours in my day. And today I felt the compulsive need to clean, organize, and do laundry since I had the extra time available. I had to constantly reign myself back in from feeling like I was "wasting" it and instead focus on caring for and hanging out with Malone.

A visit to the doctor this afternoon revealed exactly what I was hoping would not be the case- pink eye aka conjunctivitis, aka a pain in the rear. Malone has to have 24 hours of eye drops in his system before he can return, lest he spread it to all of his carrier monkey friends at daycare.

So, at least I'll get to try again tomorrow.

I'm linking up today with Shell at Things I Can't Say.

The grass is greeners.

At this time last year I started working on a plan to leave my stay at home mom days and enter the workforce full time. I went back to work on my own terms and I knew it was the right decision for ME- it was 100% selfish. It wasn't about the extra money, although it is nice. It was about carving out a space in my day that wasn't about diapers, naps, or child development.

My one year anniversary of returning back to work is coming up. I believe in the vision of my company, I am satisfied in my job duties and the work is rewarding and fulfilling.

Yet.....

I am uneasy. I am uncomfortable. I am unsettled.

I know I'm not the only mama who has gone back to work out there that feels this way.

Malone is thriving at daycare and I know it is the right place for him. He comes home happy and excited to share his day with us.

We've got the two working parents thing down pretty well. We each know our strengths and use them in the day to day balance of it all. There is a great rhythm to our day.

I'm having a touch of the grass is greeners. I ache for more time with Malone. Will I look back on this season with regret? I'm not sure.

I am conflicted.

And I've decided that it is okay to feel that way.