All that he is.

My adjustment to motherhood was not easy, mostly because I had such a different vision of what motherhood would be and who my son would be as a baby. He would be a sleeper and I would be superwoman able to get it all done. I would be one of those mothers who makes organic baby food and takes her easy going child everywhere. Ah... rose colored glasses. Or perhaps first time mother syndrome?

I've slowly learned to embrace it all.

The good.

The bad.

The ugly.

Mostly because what choice did I have?

Even during my overwhelming moments I still had a baby to nurse, a diaper to change, or a cry that needed a cuddle. 

But bottom line, I wasn't the mother I wanted to be because my baby wasn't the baby I thought he'd be. Does that make sense?  I HATED the baby stage oh so much. The give and give and give that a baby demands was almost too much for me.

But I realize now was that during the baby stage I was laying the foundation.

Malone is now a toddler morphing into a preschooler he is exactly who I thought he'd be. He is smart and curious, full of adventure and funny. He wants to go on adventures and read books.

So, I'm finally feeling like the mother I was meant to be. I can do all of these things, and I can do them well.  Even during those moments of toddler turning three power struggles and limit testing, I shine as a mother.

But a part of me feels so guilt for hating the baby stage so much.