Yesterday morning I learned someone I once knew passed away after a battle with cancer.
She left two very small children and her husband behind.
We were coworkers ages ago at a fashion forward boutique and casual friends. She left after having her first child and came back to work part time- picking up a shift here or there. Most of the time she lent her creative talents to design the windows or help with merchandising. We never really pursued a relationship outside of work but were friendly when we ran into each other outside of work and in our community after we both moved on from working at the boutique.
We had lost touch, I had no idea she was really sick until a mutual contact hosted a benefit on her website to raise money for her medical treatments.
I didn't realize how much of an impact K had on my parenting choices until I started to reflect on our relationship.
K was the first mama I ever observed nursing in public. My young (not yet even married or thinking about kids self ) did even know that breastfeeding was something people still did, let alone in public for the world to see. Her quiet confidence about nursing opened my eyes to a mama path that I myself later chose when I had Malone.
I have a distinct memory of K dressing the windows with her baby on her back. Before this moment of observation, I had always thought that you had to use a stroller or carry your baby in your arms. I had no idea a baby could be "worn." Wearing her baby seemed like a natural idea to K and eventually, to me too.
I wish that I would have pursued more of a friendship with K than just our causal work friendship that stayed within the confines of that boutique. I wonder what else I could have learned from her. And for her family and friends who are mourning her loss, I wish peaceful memories of reflection.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
I wasn't expecting this.
3 years ago when we moved here (just over the mountain from our old town), we agreed that living here was temporary. This place wasn't even really on our radar, but the rental we found was amazing and suited our needs to a tee.
The city itself isn't as desirable as some of the neighboring towns- the crime rate is higher, the schools are not known to be the best or even second best in the area. There are a lot of run down houses and old factories, signs that the times have changed. The word "inner city" is sometimes used.
But, little by little I have really fallen in love with my city. My neighborhood and neighbors are amazing. The city is rich with history and tradition. The population is diverse.
Recently, a new mayor was elected. He has such a fresh vision for change and a plan that I really can get behind. Good things are happening here.
We are dreaming about buying a house. Sometimes, I like to look to see what is available. And lately, I just can't see leaving our neighborhood.
I wasn't expecting this.
I'm linking this up with Shell over at Things I Can't Say and her wonderful Tuesday Meme, Pour Your Heart Out.
The city itself isn't as desirable as some of the neighboring towns- the crime rate is higher, the schools are not known to be the best or even second best in the area. There are a lot of run down houses and old factories, signs that the times have changed. The word "inner city" is sometimes used.
But, little by little I have really fallen in love with my city. My neighborhood and neighbors are amazing. The city is rich with history and tradition. The population is diverse.
Recently, a new mayor was elected. He has such a fresh vision for change and a plan that I really can get behind. Good things are happening here.
We are dreaming about buying a house. Sometimes, I like to look to see what is available. And lately, I just can't see leaving our neighborhood.
I wasn't expecting this.
I'm linking this up with Shell over at Things I Can't Say and her wonderful Tuesday Meme, Pour Your Heart Out.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Insta-Friday
I'm linking up today with Life Rearranged to share the week in review, Instagram style.
I took Malone to the shoe store and told him to pick out what he wanted. These were actually his second choice, the ones he really wanted were pink and sparkly. I was fully prepared to buy them for him, but they were out of his size. I think these are an awesome choice, who wouldn't love sparkly shoes?
We went to Philadelphia to celebrate New Years with my in laws and nephew (who is six months younger than Malone). The weather was unseasonably warm and we enjoyed tons of park time.
This picture cracks me up. Malone swings sideways and shows us his (unintentional) bird.
During a nap time drive around Valley Forge I came across this grouping of deer. There were many more than what is in the photo.
I also went over this covered bridge. Down the road and to the left is definitely where the 1% live. The homes are expansive and beautiful!
On a different nap time drive through Valley Forge I got out for a second and captured these cabins near Washington's Headquarters.
I love this picture! This was a huge cargo plan landing at Newark as we drove by on our way home from PA.
I took Malone to the shoe store and told him to pick out what he wanted. These were actually his second choice, the ones he really wanted were pink and sparkly. I was fully prepared to buy them for him, but they were out of his size. I think these are an awesome choice, who wouldn't love sparkly shoes?
We went to Philadelphia to celebrate New Years with my in laws and nephew (who is six months younger than Malone). The weather was unseasonably warm and we enjoyed tons of park time.
This picture cracks me up. Malone swings sideways and shows us his (unintentional) bird.
During a nap time drive around Valley Forge I came across this grouping of deer. There were many more than what is in the photo.
I also went over this covered bridge. Down the road and to the left is definitely where the 1% live. The homes are expansive and beautiful!
On a different nap time drive through Valley Forge I got out for a second and captured these cabins near Washington's Headquarters.
I love this picture! This was a huge cargo plan landing at Newark as we drove by on our way home from PA.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
An open letter to a new mother.
Dear new mother,
By the time you read this you will have been home for a few days. You have survived the flurry of visitors at the hospital, the endless calls of congratulations, and are learning all about the new awesome little person who is now a part of your family. You are prepared. You've done your homework. Maybe you've even attended a parenting class or two.
The reason I write this letter is because I had a post birth experience that I wasn't prepared for. In my early mothering days I felt waves of emotion I have never felt before. They were extreme. The highs were overflowing with love, excitement, and inspiration. But the lows were incapacitating and full of fear, depression, worry, and guilt. I was irrational. I had intrusive thoughts about really scary things.
Luckily, because I was well versed in the warning signs of postpartum depression thanks to a wonderful support group I was attending I was able to seek the help I need. I called my midwife and made an appointment to come in and chat. I went and we developed a game plan.
I write this to you today because I want you to know that postpartum depression is real. It is common. It is normal. And it is okay to ask for what you need.
2.5 years after giving birth I can tell you that I still don't feel like my "normal" self. I've actually given up trying to find that person. However, I'm a new version of normal that is steady, strong, and happy.
You will find your path and your own rhythm as you grow into motherhood. You are your own best advocate.
Love,
Your friend who will always be here to watch your baby so you can eat, sleep, or pee in peace.
I'm linking this up with Shell over at Things I Can't Say.
By the time you read this you will have been home for a few days. You have survived the flurry of visitors at the hospital, the endless calls of congratulations, and are learning all about the new awesome little person who is now a part of your family. You are prepared. You've done your homework. Maybe you've even attended a parenting class or two.
The reason I write this letter is because I had a post birth experience that I wasn't prepared for. In my early mothering days I felt waves of emotion I have never felt before. They were extreme. The highs were overflowing with love, excitement, and inspiration. But the lows were incapacitating and full of fear, depression, worry, and guilt. I was irrational. I had intrusive thoughts about really scary things.
Luckily, because I was well versed in the warning signs of postpartum depression thanks to a wonderful support group I was attending I was able to seek the help I need. I called my midwife and made an appointment to come in and chat. I went and we developed a game plan.
I write this to you today because I want you to know that postpartum depression is real. It is common. It is normal. And it is okay to ask for what you need.
2.5 years after giving birth I can tell you that I still don't feel like my "normal" self. I've actually given up trying to find that person. However, I'm a new version of normal that is steady, strong, and happy.
You will find your path and your own rhythm as you grow into motherhood. You are your own best advocate.
Love,
Your friend who will always be here to watch your baby so you can eat, sleep, or pee in peace.
I'm linking this up with Shell over at Things I Can't Say.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Blank Slate.
2011's goals were not met, by A LONG SHOT.
In fact, I'd call every one of them (and there were 11) a big fat fail. They mostly failed for good reason, I set my goals TOO HIGH.
I've only made one goal this year, to be better at following through. In my work life and mothering life, I am great at following through. If I wasn't, I'd be unemployed and Malone would be well on his way to bratty-kid-dom. I mean what I say, and I do what I mean.
But with other areas of my life, I have not been shining in this area.
I have a pile of library books that were due in August sitting at door just waiting to be returned. A friend had a baby, I offered a meal, and then never followed up. I have a pile of thank you card to writes. I let an opportunity to give this blog a bit more exposure slip through my fingers. This list could go on and on and on.
There are other things that I'd like to happen in 2012. I guess I'll call them wishes instead of goals.
1. To have Malone diaper free during the day by this 3rd birthday. He's staying dry most days now, so this is well within reach.
2. To craft more.
3. To purchase a DSLR camera. I've almost got all of the money saved for this. It is SO HARD to pull the trigger.
4. To treat my body better- to be more mindful of the things I eat, to get more sleep, and to be more active.
5. To go on an overnight date with my husband.
2012 will be a great year.
I'm linking this with Mama Kat and her pretty much fabulous writing workshop.
In fact, I'd call every one of them (and there were 11) a big fat fail. They mostly failed for good reason, I set my goals TOO HIGH.
I've only made one goal this year, to be better at following through. In my work life and mothering life, I am great at following through. If I wasn't, I'd be unemployed and Malone would be well on his way to bratty-kid-dom. I mean what I say, and I do what I mean.
But with other areas of my life, I have not been shining in this area.
I have a pile of library books that were due in August sitting at door just waiting to be returned. A friend had a baby, I offered a meal, and then never followed up. I have a pile of thank you card to writes. I let an opportunity to give this blog a bit more exposure slip through my fingers. This list could go on and on and on.
There are other things that I'd like to happen in 2012. I guess I'll call them wishes instead of goals.
1. To have Malone diaper free during the day by this 3rd birthday. He's staying dry most days now, so this is well within reach.
2. To craft more.
3. To purchase a DSLR camera. I've almost got all of the money saved for this. It is SO HARD to pull the trigger.
4. To treat my body better- to be more mindful of the things I eat, to get more sleep, and to be more active.
5. To go on an overnight date with my husband.
2012 will be a great year.
I'm linking this with Mama Kat and her pretty much fabulous writing workshop.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Thirty Thankfuls.
Today is December 1st. Which means I missed the boat on writing my thankfuls for November. I'm making up for it today.
Thirty Thankfuls.
1. I am thankful for the the reflection of my mother that I see in Malone. She may be gone, but I see her everyday when I look at him.
2. I am thankful for life celebrations big and small. Within November I have celebrated with my friends as they've announced a pregnancy, had a child sleep through the night for the first time since that child was born, weaned, had a child, and bought a house.
3. I am thankful for Motherwoman. They are doing inspired work, changing the world one Mother at a time.
4. I am thankful for familiar smells. My Aunt Nancy's house still smells the same way today that it did 25 years ago. The same rings true with the Lutheran Church in my hometown.
5. I am thankful for the library (even if I am terrible at returning my books).
6. I am thankful for outdoor Christmas Lights and getting to be a witness to Malone's first impressions of them. "Oooooooooh la lah. That is ahhh-sum, Mama!"
7. Speaking of Malone- I am thankful for his tiny toddler Boston accent, even though I have no idea where it came from.
8. I am thankful for the freedom of speech and expression.
9. I am even more thankful for those who are respectful (and not judgmental) of other people's right to free speech and expression.
10. I am thankful for my smallish collection cookbooks from my mother, my grandmother, and my great aunt and my great great grandmother. They are worn, dog eared, full of notes, and love.
11. I am thankful for food. Specifically, LOCAL food. It has been such a joy to be able to teach Malone where our food comes from by visiting our farm share and farmers market.
12. I am thankful that the movie Malone is currently obsessed with is a Dan Zanes concert DVD. The music is fun and doesn't cause us to gauge out our eyes.
13. I am thankful for my introvert husband who doesn't seem to mind staying home with Malone while I go out on the town.
14. I am thankful for honest and open communication.
15. I am thankful for Smart Wool socks, flannel comforters, and a really awesome infrared space heater that keep us warm in the winter.
16. I am thankful for beach breezes, ocean waves, and sand beneath my toes. Summer. Cape Cod.
17. I am thankful for silly stories that usher little boys into dream land. And the request for "One. Last. Stoa-wie.".
18. I am thankful for my roots. They are strong and deep in the middle of a tiny town nestled between corn fields in every directions. They are fresh and growing in the Happy Valley.
19. I am thankful for Trader Joe's Sea Salted Caramels. They are the best 220 calories on the planet. Their arrival in the store means that the holiday season is near.
20. I am thankful technology that allows me to keep up with family and friends who live far away- Facebook, Skype, and Facetime.
21. I am thankful for Malone's love of gymnastics. It is so nice to share my passion with him.
22. I am thankful for my job. Not only to to have one, but one where I am treated as a valued employee. I work for an organization where people truly work in a team atmosphere, new ideas are celebrated/encouraged, and the leadership is encouraging.
23. I am thankful for my nephew, Andrew, who is six months younger than Malone.
24. I am thankful for Starbucks.
25. I am thankful for the mothers in my life who have gone before me and the wisdom they have to share.
26. I am thankful for Maria Curtain McKinney. After returning from living in Africa, she single handly started a program for new mothers at my local hospital several years ago. My life was changed because of the people I met while attending.
27. I am thankful for my grandparents dinner time rules- hats off, no politics, no religion.
28. I am thankful for Rescue Remedy.
29. I am thankful for inspiration that strikes at the oddest moments.
30. I am thankful for my husband. He is the yin to my yang. If I were stranded on a deserted island, I'd want him there with me (because he'd totally figure out some way to make coffee)!
Thirty Thankfuls.
1. I am thankful for the the reflection of my mother that I see in Malone. She may be gone, but I see her everyday when I look at him.
2. I am thankful for life celebrations big and small. Within November I have celebrated with my friends as they've announced a pregnancy, had a child sleep through the night for the first time since that child was born, weaned, had a child, and bought a house.
3. I am thankful for Motherwoman. They are doing inspired work, changing the world one Mother at a time.
4. I am thankful for familiar smells. My Aunt Nancy's house still smells the same way today that it did 25 years ago. The same rings true with the Lutheran Church in my hometown.
5. I am thankful for the library (even if I am terrible at returning my books).
6. I am thankful for outdoor Christmas Lights and getting to be a witness to Malone's first impressions of them. "Oooooooooh la lah. That is ahhh-sum, Mama!"
7. Speaking of Malone- I am thankful for his tiny toddler Boston accent, even though I have no idea where it came from.
8. I am thankful for the freedom of speech and expression.
9. I am even more thankful for those who are respectful (and not judgmental) of other people's right to free speech and expression.
10. I am thankful for my smallish collection cookbooks from my mother, my grandmother, and my great aunt and my great great grandmother. They are worn, dog eared, full of notes, and love.
11. I am thankful for food. Specifically, LOCAL food. It has been such a joy to be able to teach Malone where our food comes from by visiting our farm share and farmers market.
12. I am thankful that the movie Malone is currently obsessed with is a Dan Zanes concert DVD. The music is fun and doesn't cause us to gauge out our eyes.
13. I am thankful for my introvert husband who doesn't seem to mind staying home with Malone while I go out on the town.
14. I am thankful for honest and open communication.
15. I am thankful for Smart Wool socks, flannel comforters, and a really awesome infrared space heater that keep us warm in the winter.
16. I am thankful for beach breezes, ocean waves, and sand beneath my toes. Summer. Cape Cod.
17. I am thankful for silly stories that usher little boys into dream land. And the request for "One. Last. Stoa-wie.".
18. I am thankful for my roots. They are strong and deep in the middle of a tiny town nestled between corn fields in every directions. They are fresh and growing in the Happy Valley.
19. I am thankful for Trader Joe's Sea Salted Caramels. They are the best 220 calories on the planet. Their arrival in the store means that the holiday season is near.
20. I am thankful technology that allows me to keep up with family and friends who live far away- Facebook, Skype, and Facetime.
21. I am thankful for Malone's love of gymnastics. It is so nice to share my passion with him.
22. I am thankful for my job. Not only to to have one, but one where I am treated as a valued employee. I work for an organization where people truly work in a team atmosphere, new ideas are celebrated/encouraged, and the leadership is encouraging.
23. I am thankful for my nephew, Andrew, who is six months younger than Malone.
24. I am thankful for Starbucks.
25. I am thankful for the mothers in my life who have gone before me and the wisdom they have to share.
26. I am thankful for Maria Curtain McKinney. After returning from living in Africa, she single handly started a program for new mothers at my local hospital several years ago. My life was changed because of the people I met while attending.
27. I am thankful for my grandparents dinner time rules- hats off, no politics, no religion.
28. I am thankful for Rescue Remedy.
29. I am thankful for inspiration that strikes at the oddest moments.
30. I am thankful for my husband. He is the yin to my yang. If I were stranded on a deserted island, I'd want him there with me (because he'd totally figure out some way to make coffee)!
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